I grew up with some great advice, I really did. Why mine was so great is that my mother was fierce, a stick of dynamite that would say things other mothers just wouldn’t say and in ways that would make even parents today cringe. She is the inspiration for this blog and my life. So, if blatant, unfiltered truth on any matter is what you seek… This is the place. No, I am not a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist, nor do I have any specialized training in any such field. I want to make that crystal clear. I am a person who has lived through many situations in life and am heavily read in many topics.
I now have a child of my own, Tony. Tony is 16 years old now and I find myself saying the same things Mom said to me and more. I’m just as raw and brutally honest. Subsequently, he is an Advanced Placement student, honest, serious Cross Country Runner and yes has a girlfriend for over six months and is a virgin. Him and I discuss sex often. He says to me me all the time, “Pop, I could care less about sex”. Our birds and the bees talk went a little something like this… “Tony, do you know where babies come from”? He was red as could be, but said, “yea, Pop, I do. From Men and women having intercourse”. Of course I asked him, “do you know what intercourse is”? Bright red now he said. “well. a man puts his penis in a girl’s vagina.” I was relieved that he knew that much at least. So, I asked him if he knew the methods of safe sex. He did, right up until he said “the pill.” Oh no, no, no he didn’t, but he did. Now my face was bright red and he knew it was coming… Pop’s real down and dirty! I said, “Tony, are you outta your, damn mind?! The pill only, if your lucky will stop a girl from getting pregnant! And I’m sorry, no matter what I believe, you believe or fucking Santa Clause believes; in today’s world, if a woman doesn’t want to be pregnant… She doesn’t have to be”!! “I’m talking about things that will potentially kill you, her or make your Dick fall off… You get me”? Man, his face was glowing by this point. I then told him “There are things you can catch that NEVER go away, that make you the un-doable”!!! After a little unwinding, however, Tony and I made a pact, that if he ever felt he was ready for sex he would come and speak with me. Guess what… He has. His girlfriend and him have been together for a tad over 6 months and have spoken, intellectually, about having sex. They have chosen to wait. What great kids. Why? Tony told me, for him at least, he has a future he is working on and sex doesn’t fit in right now. I reminded him of our pact and he said, “I know Pop, I promise”.
Tony and I are the best of friends, but he still knows I am his parent. He knows I am there to fight for him and most of all he knows I am there to tell him the brutal truth. Today, there is absolutely no reason to be any other way with our children, our friends, our partners and now… You! Welcome to the one place where honesty rules and compassion still exists.