I am To Be Honest All The Time… No Matter What, All The Time, No Matter What.

Photo compliments of HBO Game Of Thrones
Photo compliments of HBO Game Of Thrones

THE TRUTH. What is the truth? Well, let’s examine that for just a moment. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary the truth is “the real facts about something: the things that are true”, “the quality or state of being true”, or “a statement or idea that is true or accepted as true”.  Well now that surely clears it up for us doesn’t it?? Still looks like you need to know what real is, was true is, and so on. I will just look at true, since that is what our topic focuses on today. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary True means “agreeing with the facts: not false”, “real or genuine”, and / or “having all the expected or necessary qualities of a specified type of person or thing”. Whew!!! The concept of truth and true seem to be, well, shall we say… convoluted.  So, let’s go to the one place I know and you know will give it to us straight… The GREAT AND POWERFUL, no not Oz sillies… The Urban Dictionary.  According to the Urban Dictionary the Truth is ” something which would probably upset a great many of people if it were known and made public.”  The Urban Dictionary, under this definition further states that “Truthfully speaking, most people have no idea of what the truth actually is.”  And This is a perfect place for me to do what I do, so here we go… As my loyal readers know, I was born in the mid 1970’s, but have lived what I call a young life. Clubbing, gaming, blogging, blah, blah, blah.  However, I was raised mostly by my spitfire mother from about 1986 on. If you read my very first post, which I hope you will go back and do, she is the inspiration for this blog and my life.  However, as smart as she was and as well as she raised me for the times; even she couldn’t see into the future, so there were things Mom and yes, even my dad never told me. The topic of truth, well that was simple then… ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH NO MATTER WHAT!!!  Boy did I try too. The story that comes to mind here is taking a bath, yes taking a bath… I hated it.  I was young, maybe 8 years old.  Old enough to do it myself.  I remember being outside playing and being called in to bathe and get ready for dinner.  In my young genius, I changed my clothes, wet my hair and combed it and headed down for dinner.  Mom, being the psychic that she was asked me. “did you take you bath”? Of course I said, “yes mommy”.  She said okay and went upstairs and within what was only a blink of an eye yelled, and I do mean yelled for me to come upstairs.  It was here Mom confronted me with a dry washcloth, a dry bar of soap and wiped the mud off my face.  She shook her head at me, her eyes turned to fire as she told me to drop my pants and the next thing I knew the fire that was once in her eyes spread across my ass like a California wildfire.  Needless to say I was put into the bath with her as my audience.  A few nights later I was in the bath when my elder sister walked in and helped me rinse my hair.  When I came downstairs, Mom asked me again if I had bathed, I sad yes… Her hand moved like lightning across my little ass.  My sister dove in like SuperGirl to save me and told Mom that she saw me in the bath and that I was telling the truth, yup… My sister got smacked in the mouth and told not to EVER lie for me again. I know this was a long, drawn out introduction for my topic today, but I thought it best you understand where I’m coming from as a person, a parent and a writer. This was just one of many circumstances that reinforced my belief in “I am to be honest all the time, no matter what”!  And no, my mother rarely laid a hand on us…lol! Oscar Wilde said, “the truth is rarely pure and never simple”.  Well, I think we have established that. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, well so is truth… It is up for grabs and up for interpretation.  Everything we hear on the news, hear on the radio is spun to give someone else the upper hand, to make us side with them… It is, however, election time.  We all say things like “I want the truth”!  No we don’t.  The truth hurts.  Of course. Mom and Dad told us to always tell the truth, it’s the right thing to do… the truth will set you free.  Do you remember all that happy, Utopian horseshit?  I remember Gloria Steinem saying “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off”.  That seems a bit more accurate to me.  Okay, okay so let’s get on to what you all wait for from me the ugly, blatant, in your face TRUTH!!!  Mom and Dad never told you that there is only one, that’s right one person you should ALWAYS tell the truth to… Yourself (Martha Beck).  That’s it, just you end of file!!!  So, now you’re scratching your head thinking, okay what about my partner, kids, parents, other family members… oh yeah, my friends and co-workers, those people.  I’m getting there.  Martha Beck went on to say that you should “tell your loved ones as much truth as you can”.  Now, my personal opinion on this is very mixed because I believe your partner needs all the truth you can give them ALWAYS.  However, there are exclusions to that in severe situations.  And you know I’m gonna give you one and yes, it will be a tad on the controversial side. In 2001 the world was shocked by the tub drowning of five children by their Mother in Texas.  I’ll give you a few seconds to remember the Mother’s name.  Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock… Times Up!  That’s right Andrea Yates.  Yes, this was an awful tragedy and one I believe could have been stopped by telling…. A LIE!  But wait, wait just one damn minute! Aren’t you supposed to tell the truth no matter what?  Isn’t that what we were taught???  Isn’t that what Mom and Dad said???  Enter Martha Beck and she said just tell loved ones “as much truth as you can.”  So, okay long story short… Mrs. Yates suffered repeatedly from psychosis even before having their fifth and final child, Mary.  The couple was counseled to NOT have any more children due to the repeated mental illness of Mrs. Yates before having Mary.  However, due to strong religious ideals, the couple decided to conceive another child.  The couple’s belief was they would just treat Mrs. Yates’ illness again and all would be okay.  Well guess what?… It wasn’t.  Seven lives were destroyed.  Five children dead, a severely ill, childless mother institutionalized and a childless father.  Not to mention the additional mental suffering of Mrs. Yates, that everyone involved, especially her husband, knew she would endure by having their fifth and final child. Well, my thoughts here.  I know and respect the Yates’ strong religious beliefs and commend them for being loyal servants to their Lord and faith.  If that is their path, I see nothing wrong with it.  The problem I do have is that I cannot, in any way believe that a loving God, Higher Being would want a family of his or hers, his or her children to suffer the way Mrs. Yates did. I also can’t believe that a Husband would want to see his wife suffer the way he had so many times before or go against medical advice knowing how bad the outcome could be.  Now, I’m not saying that I have the perfect answer, but I am saying I would LIE, LIE, LIE to my wife and yes I think my God or Higher Being would forgive me.  Here it’s time for a Vasectomy!! Plain and simple.  I would have a vasectomy and then when we could not conceive, I would “go to the doctor” and tell my wife I could no longer have children.  This is a lie for the greater good of my family and has nothing to do with my religion, but the safety of my wife and children here on Earth.  I would hope, that my wife (Mrs. Yates) would take it as a divine sign that we had the children we were meant to have and could move on.  Here, for Mrs. Yates, maybe her ignorance to the secret vasectomy, is bliss and she could, with regular Psychological treatments, live and enjoy her four beautiful sons.  Mr. Yates only other option would have been to tell Mrs. Yates “No”, I’m not having more children and frankly, in her mental state, I personally fear his life may have been at risk then.  I believe, to my core that maybe, just maybe one lie could have saved five beautiful lives and the life of a woman who was truly ill.

Yates Children Memorial
Yates Children Memorial

I know you’re thinking, Sonny, this is a research paper, when are you gonna stop writing. Truth (ha ha) is I could go on forever on this topic.  It is large and multi-faceted.  To me the truth really is the light at the end of the tunnel and I do really believe in telling it at all costs and telling it straight.  Why that is what this blog is premised on and I stand by my word.  All I’m saying is that out there in the real world there are so many people, so many real world problems where little white lies and sometimes omissions can do more good that the blunt and honest truth.  I’m a firm believer in the truth, but I am also a firm believer in doing good.  To end, a couple of things I need from you… Comments, I want questions, comments, ask me for advice I wanna give it.  That is why I started this blog.  Lastly, I will always have a link or two at the bottom to either a charity I support that I would like you, as a follower, to read and give to, if you can, and definitely pass it on or to a story I think would be beneficial.

Thanks, as always for being here with me.

Sonny C.

Click, Read, Support and Give… All My Love!!!

MAKING MEMORIES FOR DANNIE https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/fvf9/giovanni-lives-disability-fundraiser

http://www.epilepsy.com    “search left temporal lobe seizures”


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Sonny Cacavano

It's a long list of schooling from firefighting to law school, but the most education I've received is as a parent. I'm opinionated, but respect the opinions of others, but I will still argue my view is correct. Admitting defeat is not a strong suit. However, I'm loyal, funny and a great friend. I love books, movies, traveling and any other wild experiences out there. So, enough about me... what about you?

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